Used and abused...

When people think addiction they think, drugs and alcohol. However, we can be addicted to many things and people pleasing is one of them! I have struggled with this in my past and I have learned that people pleasing can run you ragged! It can kill the fire and peace God has given you! I have had to learn that I have certain boundaries that can not be crossed, if I let people cross them, I lose the victory. When people take advantage of me, it leaves me angry, hurt, used and resentful! We can blame everyone around us but it is our fault. We need to realize no one can take what we don't give. We are in control! If we do not take control, we have no one to blame but ourselves. I have had to learn to say no at the hardest times and make stands that were very uncomfortable, but today I am a better person because of it...not to mention happier!

Galatians 1:10 (New King James Version)
For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

-VS-

1 Corinthians 10:33 (New King James Version)
just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

These 2 scriptures seem to contradict themselves. We need to learn the heart of God....God is not into the extremes. Everything has a balance. Our enemy loves to take us to the extreme with every teaching the bible teaches. 

Paul wanted to maintain good relationships with people, he wanted to win them to Christ! He put priority on pleasing God, he knew if he was to busy pleasing people, he wouldn't be able to please God. People pleasing takes all your TIME and ENERGY! It leaves no room for God and what He has called you to do.

Acts 5:29 (New King James Version)
But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.

Pleasing people is good but being a people pleaser is not.

If you allow yourself to be controlled, manipulated and used by others....you are indeed a people pleaser. If you fear rejection, judgement or what people say or think about you, you are probably are a people pleaser. If you fear people getting angry at you because of something you will or will not do, then you probably are a people pleaser.

Why do you do what you do? You reasoning and motives will tell you a lot about yourself.We should be doing things because we are led by God to do it or because it is the right thing to do. being persuaded by fear or people pleasing doesn't please God.

Sometimes things can appear to be good, but it may not be good at all. Enablers can be doing just the opposite of what God wants. They can be working against God, instead of with God. For instance: a person that enables an alcoholic to drink is not helping the person they are hurting them. Sometimes people need to hit bottom before they even find God! I was one of those people. I would have never experienced God if I didn't hit the bottom. If we are always rescuing people....God cant rescue them. We are in the way! If we love these people then the best thing we can do for them is stop helping them.


Hebrews 12:6 (The Message)
4-11In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.
God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God

I am sure you will agree God is the author of real and true love. He shows us how to love correctly. He doesn't people please; he does what is best, no matter how hard it is. Tough love is the best love you can offer people sometimes.

Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

I put this scripture up because although we might not be dealing with our children, it still applies! I have many people that I consider my children in Christ...baby converts, ect. I want to be helpful but I don't want to be an enabler! When someone as me to do something, the best response is, "let me pray about it, I will get back to you." It makes us think about what it is we are committing to and if its Gods will.

John 12:42-43 (The Message)
On the other hand, a considerable number from the ranks of the leaders did believe. But because of the Pharisees, they didn't come out in the open with it. They were afraid of getting kicked out of the meeting place. When push came to shove they cared more for human approval than for God's glory.

You can see the hindrance here in these peoples lives, when they live out the fear of people pleasing. You cant be what God wants you to be like this.

If you open yourself up to being used and abused you will end up bitter, resentful and angry. You do have control of this, even if it is uncomfortable. We need to be careful what we subject ourselves to.

Proverbs 4:23 (New King James Version)
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.

I highly recommend reading the book "Approval Addiction" if you would like to read more about the subject.